He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
