I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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