you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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