Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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