Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
