the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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