You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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