Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
