I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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