he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
