I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
