better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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