nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she smelled like a LAN party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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