apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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