I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
