I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
