three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
