Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
