you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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