just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
