i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
