OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
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I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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