tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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