I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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