Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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