I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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