Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
