then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
