He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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