Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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