i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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