the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
