dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
