wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
