WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
