I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
