I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just found puke in my bra..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
