what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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