I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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