Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
