she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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