oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
