That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pants are for mortals
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
