Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
