A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
