I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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