also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
