I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
