I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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