do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
