My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
