marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
