I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
