mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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