My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
