I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
