rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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