conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
