you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
