i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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