Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
