Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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