The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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