The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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