Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
