he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize