You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
