I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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