I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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