Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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