God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it was like eating out sand paper
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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