I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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