Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
