I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
