i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
